Mama....Upset?

Events leading up to the day of the registration of me at sa was VERY UNEVENTFUL. everything was messed up in my life like it never did b4. my head was freaking crazy, i had so many to tink of, and not just of the docs watsoever....things were not going so smooth for me diz couple of weeks. i went to do all the things for the registration thingy by myself (with my sis ofkoz laa kan.) without really asking or telling her in details. if MY head couldnt really tink well, do u expect me to burden her with all dat crappy stuff?? hell no! n bcoz i handled diz by myself, well, u could say d pressure was one hell of a good one. hoi makan dalam aku camni! if u cant really tell neone or share it with neone, then wat do expect a person to feel or react?? pergh psychiatrist pon sure pengsan dowh!

All the emotions were there, bottled up inside me all the way thru, so if ever nething went wrong, i juz could go tearry-eyed wherever, whenever. no doubt it. in fact, had one juz now at kopitiam wen me n fam were having dinner. my mom was yapping coz of her not knowing the details of watever ive been doing for d past weeks, saying again dat juz bcoz im 21 im not big enuff to handle everything, well if u really want to handle all, then if anything goes wrong dun call me.
God! with everything dat was SO WRONG at diz time of my life n i couldnt really handle it properly and with no one to turn to, i felt so helpless, so useless, so down, so unloved, so betrayed and most importantly, so misunderstood! even my mom could say dat, how on earth would u tink my fwens would feel otherwise??

Call me crazy. but diz past two weeks ive been on an emotional wreck. i would juz cry and cry and cry. call me a wacko. but YOU certainly wont know n wont ever guess how i really feel deep inside. im juz a girl, people. im not strong enuff to handle all diz emotions plus pressure. its like, im standing on a steep cliff with nothing to hold on to, and juz waiting for me to fall and roll over and hit all the rocks all the way to the bottom of the cliff, and died. [i sound so dramatic haha]
but honestly, i juz dunno how to explain it. its juz a feeling dat only urself would understand n no one else [even if they tried] i felt like......the tension is damn high and i could possibly juz kill myself. but no, i wont. so dun worry. haha. but yeah, ive developed diz weird habit of mine during diz time of stress-handling moments and dat is : taking baths very late at nite. i would juz stand under the shower, holding the shampoo bottle in one hand [without really opening it and if i use it, it'll be like i only put in on my hair. i didnt lather it up.] and the other hand is pressed to the bathroom wall. no lights will b turned on during diz time and i will be like, tinking and tinking and tinking while i juz stand there under the shower without really taking a shower. know wat i mean? funny how i could do it. but if u were me, diz is wat u'll do too. so dun blame me. blame the mind. haha. and after "thinking session" i'll be like, omg. my head is spinning. i can feel d temperature rising on d outside but i feel cold inside. so i guess my body system is freaking weird too. my legs are a bit wobbly..my hair fall episodes are seriously affecting me..i couldnt sleep even though im sleepy. ive been having nitemares like, forever and wat do i do if im having diz moment? well, pop a tablet and off i'll go. its not really dangerous if i kinda "have a slight fever" rite? haha. dun wori, diz is not done frequently. (i stil luv my body ouhkayy?? haha)

Ive been sharing these crappy and weird stories with an ex-rm8 of mine whom i could REALLY TRUST with. she, [and im not kidding here] has helped me A LOT. by her words, by her thoughts. by her advice. if i wanna tel her nething, she'll listen till the end. even if my stories tu sume cite berulang-kali yg xpenah kesudahan, stil she WILL stil listen. and im grateful to her for that. there were times wen she had to deny me, but in those times i understood y she had done dat. but in times dat i need her, she'll b there. thank u. i know dat ive been not a really awesome roommate but at least ive tried. im sry for troubling u with all my sad sagas all diz time, sampai ko kawen nnt pon akanku carik gak. ko kan kaunter kaunseling aku. hehehehe. she could tolerate with my crazy actions, weird thoughts and crappy style BUT she was one hell of a mad woman wen i told her bout my new habit. haha. sry laa. i couldnt help it k? no one is ever around to hear my thoughts and no one is ever around to actually be there for me. the only soul whom i trust so much has betrayed me and i felt so stupid for believing in him.
nways, diz ex-roommate of mine told me to pls tc of myself n pls stop watever dat im currently like doing haha. ko jangan wiso laa, aku ouhkie. siyes. im fine and i can tc of myself, for now.
HAHA. at least pls respect me and support me. coz for all i know, EVERYONE HAS TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME AND LEFT ME ALONE.
THANK U, ALL OF U WILL BE REMEMBERED PERFECTLY, PLS TAKE UR NUMBER AT THE COUNTER OVER THERE AND U WILL BE GIVEN BACK WAT U GAVE TO ME.

Nways i tink mama was upset bcoz :
- she will hv no one to make her ribena again
- she will hv no one to fight with her again (haha)
- she will hv no one to be checked on every now and then (as if aku xsedar mama asek bukak pintu blk everytime she wanna go sumwhere. dun wori, im still in the room, SLEEPING! haha)
- she will hv no one to share the gossips with nemore.
- she will hv no one to teman her if ever my stepdad isnt around hehehe.

--> conclusion : alaawh ckp j laa mama rindu adek nnt. dats y mama marah2 skang kan, kan? hahaha