hey all of you.

this is why i couldnt tell the babes yet what was i goin through these past few days.....they would sure as hell told me to get a grip and move on. that was why i didnt tell them about the relationship at the first place, coz they might be freakin mad. none of my besties from school, dip and deg know about it except afiq. itu pon dia da marah awl2 but then he said if this is what i want then he'll agree. BUT if it ends, it stops there. no more contacting each other. "biar habis terus jangan ko seksa lagi. aku xsuka tengok ko xhappy, nanges. n most importantly, aku xsuka bila ko nanges aku takde seblah ko."
girls..please understand my situation...i know its wrong..i know its partly my fault for not listenin to u guys...but this is what i want at the first place..u guys have no idea how long ive waited for him... 2yrs+ is not a short time.....and so once he 'proposed' to me, i just accepted with high hopes that he mustve love me in the end. sadly, right after he asked me, he changed. i sensed his changes and i kept asking him about it...but he kept avoiding in answering it. his behaviour really sucked and i couldnt even say it here lest u guys will b pissed off from readin it.
even my cousin closest to me told me that he's bad news. thats why i couldnt bring myself to tell him. he'll be angry w me for going against his wishes.
but now its over.....idk.......im relieved to finally knew him like this..but deep in my heart....i need my space... 
i need support. i need courage. i need people to understand my situation.....n most importantly..i need time to recover...i couldnt just drop everything up and pretend it didnt happen....that it doesnt affect me bcoz it does...i just need love n support from everyone...i need them to listen to my tears n hug my pain away.....i may seem strong on the outside but when it comes to this, i crumble. i need my stellar most at this moment. n its u guys.