its still in d ramadhan month, with 6 days to go, and ive just bought my baju raya, which conveyed as my convo dress as well. (ceh!) The baju is filled with hues of pink, blue, purple, a lil bit of black, lime green and cream here and there. hahaha! its colourful, i know. but thank god its in my size. normally if u wanna browse for baju at the eleventh hour, there wont b any in my size! n yeah, dat includes for shoes too! (im a size 5, any generous ppl wanna drop me a pair of gorgeous shoes, ur most welcomed!)last two weeks ive juz went thru a week of hell. (straight from mon to thurs ive tests) then laz week i could relaxed a little, even though xm de, tp wat bodo j sbb MCQ j hahaha. nways laz week i had a blast. on saturday i went out d whole day with syera, wanie k and my czn nadzmi. at first syera picked me up at my house around 2pm then we went to pyramid, saje nk jalan2. later on i suggested we watch a movie...yealaa lame gile kott xg tgk movie! haish. we saw the final destination movie. igt nak amek yg 3D tapi da full lak. haish! xp laa, yg normal pn xp, janji tgk. d movie started at 4.30pm and ended nearly 7pm. ouhkie, d movie was so-so. a bit gory coz how they were killed actually are ekcely the things dat we do in our daily lives! but sumhow they got killed coz of dat. n there was diz one scene where everyone got killed in a cinema hall. fck. stupid movie. (n i was watching it intensely during dat scene! hahaha!!)but sumhow, my fwen alina reviewed it as nonsense coz how they died doesnt make sense at all. hahaha.hmm true to a certain extent. nways, we broke our fast at SS15, (god the roti bakar susu was sooo tasty!) and after a while, i said to syera after wanie k had gone to see her cousin in bangsar, wat if we overnite and go watch a movie or watever.
i so dun have d heart to go back home during dat time. hahaha. she agreed n i suggested on bringing along my cousin nadzmi too coz he knows most of d roads in kL so we probably wont get lost. n kan sng if de laki bile nk overnite. pape jd kan sng hahaha. (alasan j tuu. tp bgs gak cz he sponsored all d toll tickets. hehee) we went to cineleisure, n guess wat? Up was our movie dat nite. *sigh* ami laa nih nak sgt tgk cite nih. haish. i got home after sahur with syera. she put up for a while at my house till 7.30 a.m. before going home. as i was about to fall asleep, feena texted me. "babe kat sa ke? jom lepak"
ahlamak..camne nih? hahaha. but d thought of havent seeing her for a long time made me promised her, "ouhkie, kol 2pm ley?" we both agreed to meet at kl sentral before proceeding to bb. 7am to 2pm, de mase lagi nak membuta. hahaha! first we went to bb, then sg wang before heading to pav. feena bought diz dress at nichii. nice gile. sswai ngn die. later at pav, d most embarrassing thing happened at topshop. first we went in thru topshop, then proceeded to the upper level which was topman. a few hotties were there (god help me) then when we walked past the buzzer alarm, it went off. OMG!!! i didnt steal anything!! people in d shops stopped wat they were doin n literally stared at me! HELLO, IM INNOCENT OUHKIE?? It was d library book which i had brought along to read! fck tol laa. malu aku j! hahahaha.
nways diz ramadhan i had two sessions of ifthar ramadhan at MCD with my class. i ate a lot, seriously a lot during these two sessions! hukhuk patut laa my arms cam da dangling j hahhaha!! euww gelinye ayatku. nways here are d shots! ;)
some of the members of d class 
gossip people....gossiping
wafa (l) d owner of d camera, and mekye (r)
l-r: aishah, paan, nabil.
the 21-year-old babes
EXAMS. + gag +
PRESENTATIONS. + puke +
LONG HOURS OF GRAMMAR. + vomit +
EQUALS TO A WHOLE DREADFUL WEEK.
effing hols. siyesly. i was owedy at home since friday noon. i was tinking of going home diz wknd but upon hearing dat uitm will b closing for d nex week cz of d h1n1 epidemic, i pon ngan cepat txt my mom to pick me up n will b at home till tues. hahaha. malas nk dok umah sendiri lame2. dunno why.....first i heard bout d news dat perak campus will b closing down laz wed after d melaka campus is closed from sum1. then laz fri, wafa's bf told her in d morning during cls dat ours will b closed as well for d nex wk. so its considered as d mid term break for d whole uitm campuses. ceh.
bengang j. its like, we were juz starting class n d nex thing, we will b having our mid term break. (which i dun rly need now hahha) sangat cepat kott. later on if i soooo need d break, then i wont b getting one. cis.
nways diz hols pon im juz sitting around d house doin nothing. bowink gile. sumpah bowink. da laa diz sem i feel like unmotivated...i attend classes, i chill with my new fwens n my hsemates, i eat (A LOT)..but still im unmotivated. im stil adapting to new fwens, new classes, new programme, new surroundings, new faces...n wateva else new there is. hahahaha. cmon babe, cmon!! push urself a bit! u hv no one to look after u now. remind urself not to slack down! study laa! bile aku d umah, bukan watpe pn, so dats y i was tinking to go back to sa early than d rest. at least i can study there. (haha!) or kua jogging (haha lagi) or put over at my fwen's. or wateva. i'll figure bout it later. but i'll b alone though. no one will b at home nnt. ive not enuff credit, not enuff food, no fwens to accompany, no MONEY (hukhuk) n maybe d silence will make me think deep. kan? hahaa. it scares me a bit but nvm..i'll survive. hahaha. i ekcely soooooooooooo wanna meet up sum1 but he told me dat hes going back early too. n he didnt even asked me to meet up so it'll look like, aku j yg terhegeh2 nk jmp die kan if aku j yg nag tanye bile nk jmp, so might as well i zipped my mouth n hold d question kan. bialaa if die xnk jumpe aku pn, i dun gv an effing care laa. da penat tink bout others j wen others dun tink bout me dat much. toodles everybody. muahmuah. mls nak type da.
on d 18th of july 2009, my fac had diz induction thingy going on at bukit cerakah sa. at first i thought of NOT going and go home, but since my buddy wafa had constantly been nagging me to come so....g j laa kan. shian lak. hahaha. i was tinking mbe it COULD b fun..rite? n since my classmates r going to, i wont b so bored to death. rite? hahaha.
so d plan was wafa to fetch us at 7am at my block with aishah n we will go to n meet d rest there at APB. then wat happened was, i was all ready to go down wen aishah texted me, but wen i stepped out of d house, there was OWEZ sumthing that i forgot to bring. first it was my handphone (i left it on d bed) then it was my house keys (i left it on d dining table) finally it was d flip flops dat i forgot to put inside my bag. haish! i started d day by coming late. shorey guys! hahaha.
then wen we arrived there, we saw dat d buses were owedy there waiting for d students to board but we only saw a couple of people there. i tink it can even b only like, 2 classes. hahaha. nways each of us took d mee goreng whereas i took TWO teh o panas hahaha. (peduli hape aku! thirsty kott!) then later on, we took pictures on d bus coz we were so bored with nothing to do! we sat at d back of d bus, only d three of us. first it was like 3 buses. then bas blakang bas kitorg xya follow coz students sgt sket. so students from dat bus were asked to board our bus. looking at my watch, i asked wafa "fa, ne monyet2 yg len tuu?" she just shrugged her shoulders while looking at me. a few seconds later, we saw up from d bus d monyets were walking to d registration table, n NOT wearing white shirts lak tuu!! god! blagak senior sgt. hahaha. then they got in our bus n sat just in front of us. P put on his handphone to loudspeaker so its like d whole bus can hear wat music he was listening to, omg rase nak tarik2 j tinge die tuu! naseb bek lagu ley aku layan gak. hahhaa!
upon arriving there, we were asked to queue up n formed lines consisting of 11 in each group. first wen we were divided, we were all separated into different groups. but wat gals did was switched groups with d gals from d other groups hahaha!! so my group consisted of my classmates! wehehe. besh x? so mmg d day was super awesome with these bunch of crazy ppl! ;p
first we started off with aerobics. they put on d mila's song (which i hated, but still acceptable cz its catchy) n we did d poco-poco stuff. hahahah. but d poco-poco dat we did dat day was different from d one dat i did back in perak. diz one had a lot of steps. ssh nk follow bt still i enjoyed it. haha. ouhyeah each of d team was given a piece of cloth with different colours for each group (mine was yellow) n each of us ekcely had to divide dat piece of cloth to accomodate d members of our group. plus, each of us had to tie d piece dat we got around our head n wear it like a headband. hahahaha. i helped tied headband p cz it was loose n fa tied mine. n she said i looked cute. (blushing sket. WAHAHAHA!!)
nex we had d explorace. pergh. i so HATE running around n getting all sweaty. coz i get tired easily n will sweat a lot like a pig n get my hair all messy. hahaha. btw p (nur luthfi) was my group leader n he was sporting like hell! siyesly. d questions were tough but we as a team sgt bantu-membantu. hahaha. esp d questions involved history thingy. n there was diz part where we had to like, sambung ayat dari ayat terakhir yg disebut oleh org terakhir tadi. i was soo effing blur at diz time (i dunno y) i couldnt really get my mind work up. demmit. but they helped me a lot. thx guys! ;p
p was constantly asking us if we felt tired, tell him. then kitorg nih sek menyembang j dari start race hingge laa abeh race. wahahhaa. siap de nyanyi2 ag pergh besh dowh. hhahaha. then pas beh explorace kitorg de sukaneka lak. pergh bnci dowh bl dorg involvekan tepung. pergh da laa abeh muke aku, mulut aku n wambot aku kne. cis! shiap de diz one hawt senior guy (hahaha tp style xbesh) tegur aku saying, "pasni xya pki bedak da." biadap tol. aku pn rep, "tuulaa, save compact sket kan? maceh laa." hahahaha.
ouhyeah d seniors brought a photographer too. our team (or my classmates more like haha) were all camwhoring dat day. it was like, everytime he wanted to snap a shot, we were all looking at him n gave a pose. hahaha!! aku lagi laa kan. haha. xkesah laa cam photographer ke, cam kwn2 ke, cam senior ke, sume aku posed asl dorg snap arah aku. wahahah!! sampaikan de diz senior said aku nih camera-fwenly. hahaha!! so at d end of day, we watched d montage did by d seniors n our pictures were in most of d slides! hahahha. bkn nk bangge laa tp mmg tol pon. wehehehe. n finally, the prize-giving ceremony. my team won d "most cool team" award. hahaha.
(bangge sket) ;p
so these are d few pix dat i have in my collections. theres a lot more taken from d other cam (if u kno wat i mean hhahaa) dun wori, i'll try to get my hands on them n i'll upload here 4 u guys 2 c. hehehe. ciao!
Hye all. guess i havent been saying wats on my mind for these past few weeks. well, i dun hv any broadband n im stayin off campus so dat explains it well i think. hahaha! ouhkie now i'll tell u. a lot had happened for the roughly 3 weeks in sa. i registered on 5th of july at dwn sri budiman. i ekcely met a lot of my old fwens there but didnt have d time to ekcely meet them up in person n say hello or wtv. hahaha. (registration perlu dselesaikan dlu maa)
ouhkie, im rm8 with my old bff frm skewl, miss khausar. im glad i did ekcely, luv ya babe! ;) for i can count on her for nethng. nways in d first week, everything was not to wat i expected. but i managed even though i was a bit moody during that time of week. ;(
on monday, d first day, me n my hsemates took the rapid to go to class. we sat far at d end of d bus n we ekcely sat on each other's laps for there was no space except two. hahaha. they all got down at the mass comm fac while i got down at d bus stop nearby d pusat kesihatan, n i had to walk further up a bit n cross d road to go to my fac. cis.later wen i got there, i tink my face looked kinda lost so diz one gal pointed me d direction of d office n said i had to hand in d green file first. i went to sit besides her later on n we chatted. there were two other gals n they were all from dip grads too. hahaha. ouhkie so im not d only one here. good. after a few moments of juz sitting there not knowing wat to do or where have the rest been, suddenly there was diz one lady told us dat our classes are conducted at the kenanga college (demmit) n not there at d fac. she photocopied d timetable of d four classes n gave us each n told us to go to kenanga first n choose our own classes. (wow. hahaa)
so diz gal who pointed me to d office earlier on (wafa) drives so i went with her to the college. the other gals (izzah n nabila) followed with izzah's car too. nways wen we got there, me n wafa went to class D. later on we got to know dat the rest were pre-tesl students n are 19-year-olds ppl! demmit! couldnt u guys get any younger than me?? hahaha. so the rest of d week was ouhkie with class.. d lecturers were ouhkie too i guess..n d food?? damn, i can get fat netime soon!
xkesah laa kan, nways after d past few weeks, im good with diz gal wafa. she reminds me of my fwen nisa from skewl. shes diz sweet gal who is not juz gentle but funny as well. totally d opposite of me HAHAHA! BUT, after spending days of hours with her, now i know shes not dat angelic. hahaha! shes juz LIKE ME! so dats y i can click with her. fyi, she was a dip holder of mass comm from melaka. haha. wen i asked her on d reason of her switching to LG, she said dat she wanted a change of scene. ouh same lagi. huhuhu.
nways ever since i have officially lived here in sa, i tink ive gained weight back laa. hukhukhuk. coz wat i do most is EATING hahaha! i tink ive hung out at most of d famous joints here esp at mapley laa kan. hahaha. nsb bek my new fwens here ske lepak sane gak, so ouhkie de kwn lepak laa. hahahaa! but d guys ske sgt lepak barra, i still dunno why. its not like d food is so damn good, but they said dat d price is cheaper than d other places. ouh well. xtau laa kan, im d type of person wen it comes to food, i dun look at d price so much. hehehehe. coz i tink d price is average by standard at most of d shops, but wen it comes to d environment, it HAS to look dinable to me. hahaha.ive also have taken up riding d motorbike n bringing d arc helmet to class as a part-time job. d reason? coz alina insists of me riding with her. fine by me, minus d icky feeling of wearing d helmet (i cant really handle wearing a helmet, it feels weird on my head n plus, its big. diz is bcoz its jonny, imma's bf punye helmet.) n d stupid feeling of being called rempit by Ramen in my cls. cis. damn u Ramen. hahaha. they juz thought dat i ride to class, n seeing d helmet (looks so like a boy-owned helmet no wonder laa haha) dat i wear, makes them wonder of wat kind of motorbike do i have. hahahhaa. they still like teasing me now n then but wth i dun care. hahahaa. they r ouhkie i guess. =)well, so Haziq is d class rep. hes from bdr bru selayang. hes a funny guy really n can mix up with juz about neone. hahaha. but hes owez with d gals, i tink hes d nex pencinta wanita. HAHAHA!
haha diz pix was taken from behind by my clsmate. n d bag is not his either. gewdix tol pki bag pompuan. hahaha. and diz pix below is d gal named wafa dat i told u guys bout. sweet kan? tp sweet gak yg d gal in red, kan kan kan?? hahahaha!! diz shot was taken laz friday. hahaha. supan dowh.
below r d two monkeys who r owez monkeying around in class. hahahaha. but i love talking to them even tho they clown A LOT. hahaha. class will b bowink without them, siyesly. god, y do i praise them so much?? hahaha. nways these 2 dudes both have d same name n dat is luthfi. but d one wearing d specs is nur luthfi whom we called as P and d other gewdix guy is luthfi whom we called by Lut only.
below here is d pix of me n effy. her name's afifah ekcely but we call her effy. shes nice n is owez smiling. she was a pre-tesl student b4 diz. i tink she was in d same group as haziq's previously.
The last ym ~Mer shorey xsempat save ko nye..aku da close hehehe [ampun ampun]
The last ym, yet the words said were short ones. As if xsabar da nk tinggalkan dunia ym. Haha.
Mer ko nye sumpah aku lupe nk save..hukhuk. kitenye pjg kan, cam beshe laa even tho ko da byk kali hint "brg aku xpack abeh ag, runsing2 rase nk ido". tapi aku sengaje wat bodo senar hint ko tuu. hahaha. ouhkie mer i wish u a very best of luck there at puncak alam. jgn lupe daku d sek7, senang2 datang laa. wahaha!!
After diz post, i tink it will b quite some time for me to update [hukhukhuk] bawak bsabar yea kwn2..senang2 aku post laa baru. xsenang aku bia j sampai akhir tahun. HAHHAA!
ciao. muahmuah.
Events leading up to the day of the registration of me at sa was VERY UNEVENTFUL. everything was messed up in my life like it never did b4. my head was freaking crazy, i had so many to tink of, and not just of the docs watsoever....things were not going so smooth for me diz couple of weeks. i went to do all the things for the registration thingy by myself (with my sis ofkoz laa kan.) without really asking or telling her in details. if MY head couldnt really tink well, do u expect me to burden her with all dat crappy stuff?? hell no! n bcoz i handled diz by myself, well, u could say d pressure was one hell of a good one. hoi makan dalam aku camni! if u cant really tell neone or share it with neone, then wat do expect a person to feel or react?? pergh psychiatrist pon sure pengsan dowh!All the emotions were there, bottled up inside me all the way thru, so if ever nething went wrong, i juz could go tearry-eyed wherever, whenever. no doubt it. in fact, had one juz now at kopitiam wen me n fam were having dinner. my mom was yapping coz of her not knowing the details of watever ive been doing for d past weeks, saying again dat juz bcoz im 21 im not big enuff to handle everything, well if u really want to handle all, then if anything goes wrong dun call me.
God! with everything dat was SO WRONG at diz time of my life n i couldnt really handle it properly and with no one to turn to, i felt so helpless, so useless, so down, so unloved, so betrayed and most importantly, so misunderstood! even my mom could say dat, how on earth would u tink my fwens would feel otherwise??
Call me crazy. but diz past two weeks ive been on an emotional wreck. i would juz cry and cry and cry. call me a wacko. but YOU certainly wont know n wont ever guess how i really feel deep inside. im juz a girl, people. im not strong enuff to handle all diz emotions plus pressure. its like, im standing on a steep cliff with nothing to hold on to, and juz waiting for me to fall and roll over and hit all the rocks all the way to the bottom of the cliff, and died. [i sound so dramatic haha]
but honestly, i juz dunno how to explain it. its juz a feeling dat only urself would understand n no one else [even if they tried] i felt like......the tension is damn high and i could possibly juz kill myself. but no, i wont. so dun worry. haha. but yeah, ive developed diz weird habit of mine during diz time of stress-handling moments and dat is : taking baths very late at nite. i would juz stand under the shower, holding the shampoo bottle in one hand [without really opening it and if i use it, it'll be like i only put in on my hair. i didnt lather it up.] and the other hand is pressed to the bathroom wall. no lights will b turned on during diz time and i will be like, tinking and tinking and tinking while i juz stand there under the shower without really taking a shower. know wat i mean? funny how i could do it. but if u were me, diz is wat u'll do too. so dun blame me. blame the mind. haha. and after "thinking session" i'll be like, omg. my head is spinning. i can feel d temperature rising on d outside but i feel cold inside. so i guess my body system is freaking weird too. my legs are a bit wobbly..my hair fall episodes are seriously affecting me..i couldnt sleep even though im sleepy. ive been having nitemares like, forever and wat do i do if im having diz moment? well, pop a tablet and off i'll go. its not really dangerous if i kinda "have a slight fever" rite? haha. dun wori, diz is not done frequently. (i stil luv my body ouhkayy?? haha)
Ive been sharing these crappy and weird stories with an ex-rm8 of mine whom i could REALLY TRUST with. she, [and im not kidding here] has helped me A LOT. by her words, by her thoughts. by her advice. if i wanna tel her nething, she'll listen till the end. even if my stories tu sume cite berulang-kali yg xpenah kesudahan, stil she WILL stil listen. and im grateful to her for that. there were times wen she had to deny me, but in those times i understood y she had done dat. but in times dat i need her, she'll b there. thank u. i know dat ive been not a really awesome roommate but at least ive tried. im sry for troubling u with all my sad sagas all diz time, sampai ko kawen nnt pon akanku carik gak. ko kan kaunter kaunseling aku. hehehehe. she could tolerate with my crazy actions, weird thoughts and crappy style BUT she was one hell of a mad woman wen i told her bout my new habit. haha. sry laa. i couldnt help it k? no one is ever around to hear my thoughts and no one is ever around to actually be there for me. the only soul whom i trust so much has betrayed me and i felt so stupid for believing in him.
nways, diz ex-roommate of mine told me to pls tc of myself n pls stop watever dat im currently like doing haha. ko jangan wiso laa, aku ouhkie. siyes. im fine and i can tc of myself, for now.
HAHA. at least pls respect me and support me. coz for all i know, EVERYONE HAS TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME AND LEFT ME ALONE.
THANK U, ALL OF U WILL BE REMEMBERED PERFECTLY, PLS TAKE UR NUMBER AT THE COUNTER OVER THERE AND U WILL BE GIVEN BACK WAT U GAVE TO ME.
Nways i tink mama was upset bcoz :
- she will hv no one to make her ribena again
- she will hv no one to fight with her again (haha)
- she will hv no one to be checked on every now and then (as if aku xsedar mama asek bukak pintu blk everytime she wanna go sumwhere. dun wori, im still in the room, SLEEPING! haha)
- she will hv no one to share the gossips with nemore.
- she will hv no one to teman her if ever my stepdad isnt around hehehe.
--> conclusion : alaawh ckp j laa mama rindu adek nnt. dats y mama marah2 skang kan, kan? hahaha
today everything was not in order of planning. my sis was very late. i was late in picking up my fwen at sentral. my mom was kinda upset coz i went out too many times juz in diz week. another fwen of mine was very late in confirming the outing so i was freaking confused with diz whole situation!
i picked her up from sentral, things were goin on smoothly, then she, my fwen n i went to have breakfast at kfc. blablabla lagi kat kfc tu then we went outside to walk to Pav. jalan2 lagi pusing2 Pav looking at clothes, then we went downstairs to the foodcourt coz i was feeling very thirsty. then lepak2 minum, xsedar it was nearing 2 o'clock. diz fwen of mine told me kene gerak kol 2pm.
i was quite surprised at dat time coz i thought he was joking! he did tell me yesterday dat he had to go home early....EARLY I TOT WAS LIKE, 5 or 6-ish! i never tot it would be DIZ EARLY!! damn. n i had promised to go back with him. i felt sooooo guilty towards her!! i seriously didnt know what to say or do.
when i said im goin back with him...then she said, ouh ko nak tinggal aku la nih??
o-mi-god. i was feeling more guilty! then, i didnt know why....but i followed him instead. [i know i was an IDIOT! dun remind me dat!]
GOD! i looked at her, n i saw her eyes were watery a bit. my heart was feeling very heavy. all the way through the journey back to my house......i couldnt stop but think bout d whole mess. i was in deep silence, my fwen was constantly asking me if i was alrite. [which obviously i wasnt.] he asked me if i wanted to go back to see her. i said, if i tried calling her n texting her so freaking many times n she wont pick up or reply, would u EVER think dat she will see me again??? aku takot kang die kecoh marah2 c2 or even worse wat xkenal aku if aku jumpe balik die, aku gak yang malu kan?? so i told him, no juz send me home. so he did.
when i was on my bed, i kept tossing n turning [in resah-gelisah mode], a few minutes i was looking at d ceiling, a few minutes then i was staring at my wall [which has nothing put up on it] n the rest i was feeling very restless. the flashback of me leaving her kept running on my mind. i was feeling anxious by the minute! GOD I WAS ACTING LIKE A TOTAL BITCH! leaving her like dat.....god, she was rite about me yesterday. damn, i had broken one of the rules in friendship n dat is, leaving ur BFF for a guy.
demmit. it was like, my heart was controlling my actions, not my mind! it seemed like, my brain cells suddenly died and couldnt work properly or sumthing.
people, DUN tell me wat i SHOULDNT DO coz dat, i owedy know n feeling SUPER regretful now! pleaseeeee tell me wat i SHOULD DO to fix it back. coz i certainly dun want diz mess to remain a mess forever. i want it to be sorted out...without any baggage. i dun want TO JEOPARDIZE diz friendship of 3years juz becoz of one BIG stupid mistake dat ive done. people make mistakes, but these people who made them deserve to be forgiven too. [it is NOT juz a fact my fwen, it is true.]
to my fwen, _____ [u know who u are] as i was writing diz note, i was feeling very shameful, regretful, anxious, stupid, selfish n watsoever dat u wanna call it. i know ur still mad, who wouldnt...but im asking u to pls accept my deepest apology bout diz whole situation. u can take how long u want to accept it, but pls put all diz behind us, n remain fwens again juz like before.i dun want to lose u as my bff juz bcoz of diz. fwen, I AM SO SORRY.
nowadays it seems like........my life has been awesomely jeopardized by none other than moi. congrats farhana, u now are certified to receive the "LOSER OF THE YEAR" award for this outstanding achievement of yours! wen i have flashbacks of the moments i have diz past few weeks..i realized now dat i had successfully gotten two of my besh fwens to officially hate me [yeay!] and my life sucks big time!
only now i realized dat :
- i suck in keeping my my fwens around
- i suck in balancing my whole messed-up freakin life!
- i suck in keeping my fam together
- i definitely suck in gettin any luck with luv now
- im juz suck as a whole person!
please people, dun be my fwens. dun be involved in my life. get away now as fast as u can or there will be no turning back. [im serious.] either u will get hurt, which i'll cry. or i'll get hurt and still i'll cry. so either u leave me or kill me. either way i'll get hurt nways so its kinda the same for me. coz i certainly cant keep my fwens from hurting. im not strong. fwens owez perceive me as a strong gal. IM NOT. im not strong n i cant b strong all d time. im weak, im frail, im helpless. and now i feel like the world is coming down on me. pushing me further and further till d edge of the cliff. its only a matter of seconds where i could fall or hold back. people, i'll juz send bad vibes if u guys are fwens with me..so i dun recommend u guys to still be. i know i'll sound xredha at diz time around..but do u know d feeling of semangat tiade? and diz not me talking bcoz of juz one bad case. everything is connected. everything in my life. so i cant possibly deal with all of these shit now. im not a good energy so leave me be. thank u.
old fwens, take care. i luv u guys damn much!
should i stay or should i run away?
should i be afraid or should i be bold?
should i accept it or should i deny?
should i make it known or should i put in the dark?
should i say it or should i surpress it?
should i leave it be or should i change it?
should i be hoping or should i put the hopes down?
should i linger still or should i put an end to it?
should i be avoiding or should i be confronting?
should i cry still or should i put the tears away?
should i ignore others or should i care about the words said?
should i pretend things gonna be okay or should i realize its otherwise?
should i make my way through or should i hold back?
should i preserve it or should i destroy it?
should i put my heart on the brink of destruction for you who cant really profess your luv to me yet you cant let me go for your heart has some affection to me [or so i think] and yet you mean THE WORLD to me. i cant stay longer if you juz cant be proud of having me around as your loved one and not only find me in your times of despair but also in your times of joy. my only wish is that you will be able to say it and really mean it and not make me as your second best.
love lost is hard but love undetermined is way harder.
Yesterday, when i thought about the upcoming new sem i have to endure.. suddenly many things came to mind. the what-ifs were popping one by one in my mind, asking to be answered, which obviously i have no answer of. the feelings ive been painfully felt these past few months, coupled with many dramas whatsoever, left me with miserable memories instead. juz early diz month ive turned 21, wow. wat an age. i didnt realize how far ive gone since i first finished my spm in 2005.
wow again. haha. 2006, got accepted to do my dip at uitm perak. during those years...well, u could say the first few sems i was constantly depressed and was trying hard to get rid of all the 'pests' ive stumbled into out of my life. haha. im not sorry for getting to know them at the first place, coz if i havent known them, then i wouldnt know how ANNOYING, SELFISH and USELESS human beings they are ever walked on the face of the Earth! ESPECIALLY U, EVIL BITCH HUDA! yes, ive said her name out loud, so what?? haha.
Nways, there were many luvly memories ive gathered as well. those Family Day Event, Ifthar Ramadan, Part 4 Event, ouh yeah and also THE Protest. Haha that was funny, the protest i meant. Everybody was like, so bz talking and preparing whatever things they wanna bring during the 'black parade' at the foyer. Us? cam beshe laa, taking pictures here and there. hahaha! wah, wah time protest sume smangat kan? time nak datang class lembik! [inilah ape lecturer BEL aku perli the next day hahaha] Ooooh, wait theres more! kitorang nih slalu hang out together ramai2 [budak2 p5 nih laa], baru besh dowh! i still remember those moments like when we went to batu gajah jz to eat pizza, overnite ramai2 tgk midnite movie, lepak2 kat padang polo [dgr afiq n feena nyanyi yg sumbang tuu hahaha!] and paling xley lupe, mase p5 ramai2 visit Puan Hazlina kat umah die, (7 cars if im not mistaken) followed by a splish splash kat Lata Kinjang, later on a trip to JJ [karaoke, makan2 sume] then makan lagi kat dataran ipoh, ended with a futsal game by the boys. Wat a crazy day we had! It was all fun, noisy, laid-back, crazy and everything else! I wouldnt trade that for anything!
Sampai mase, kene berpisah jua. i still remember that day Majlis Perpisahan Part 5 OM where it was held at the bilik TV angsana/bidara. GOD! that day was seriously, the saddest day of all days ive ever experienced! all the boys were there. most of the gals were present too. Paan as the then-OMSA President gave the farewell speech. afterwards it was the makan-makan time. later on, (this is the part i hated the most, the tearful part) we were told to push back all the chairs so that the center of the room is left empty. Feena told me that Afiq told her we will b having some kind of "sesi mintak maaf sesame sendiri".
hahahaha. pergh sape laa punye idea nk wat camni nih. buang mase j. (senar cam malu kan nak salam2 the guys minx maap sume hahaa) then mase prac and cuti slalu contact budak2 nih gak cakap rindu laa hape laa. cam poyo j padahal nnt jmp balik gak. hehe.
haha but since i know that we all got to further our degree at shah alam, so takpelaa kan? aku xya laa rindu2 korang da. dekat laa gak kan? hahaha.
Ouhkie, thats dat. then out of the blue, i got to know diz one guy when i was in p4. at first i hated him so much (ive my reasons ouhkayy? haha) and agpon we were introduced by wanie. tuu pon accidentally when we stumbled upon each other on our way for dinner on campus. before this ive heard wanie said so much about him but i dunno why i juz hated it everytime she mentioned his name....i soooo dunno why hahaha! then mase terjumpe first time tuu, wanie introduced me to him.
"aus, nih paan kwn along. paan, nih la aus."
he looked at me and said, "paan? cam name laki. serious." [trust me, mase nih style die ckp the word serious sgt annoying!]
upon hearing him said that, i felt like i wanna slap him! no kidding! [da laa before diz mmg aku annoyed gile ngn die kan, aku pon xtau nape haha!]
then diz one nite, me n my fwens were walking back from downtown and he was there too [i seriously cant remember how the hell he was there too] then i dunno how we got to exchange our numbers and starting from then on, he was the first one to send me a message. since then onwards, we were texting a lot each other n we got pretty close and eventually became the so-called BFFs. hahaha. he helped me alot actually but he gave me heartaches most of the time too. i felt like i COULD kill him sumtimes! *sigh*
but watever it is, he has been a good friend and i soo not hope it will juz end here, even though we are no longer at the same place. haha.
aku pon da xtau nak cakap hape da senar coz post nih aku da reserve lame cume xpublish2 j ag sebab asek xsiap haha.
Have u gals felt that one special moment truly special when he holds ur hand? dun u luv it when he shows his affection towards u without awkwardness? i know u gals will juz melt when he hugs u and say 'I Miss You' and really mean it.
Have u gals experienced moments where u go weak in the knees and felt like u couldnt stand much longer without holding on to him? Gals, gals, gals.. i know im a hopeless romantic but dun u juz LURVE these feelings uve felt all this while?
~ The feeling when he touches ur arm?
~ The feeling when he says he misses u?
~ The feeling when he holds ur hand?
~ The feeling when he touches ur cheeks and smiles?
~ The feeling when he looks out for u when ur texting back to ur nosey fwens? [hahaha im jz kidding, ouhkie, concerned fwens]
~ The feeling when he still laugh even though u know ur jokes are not that funny?
~ The feeling when he worries when u say ur not well?
~ The feeling when everytime u want to splurge but he says, "simpan duit okie, nanti u xde duit camne? nanti senang nak kua lagi kan?"
~ The feeling when he sends a message or calls u jz bcoz.
~ The feeling when he calms u down when ur angry or sad and jz listens to ur problems.
These are the feelings that i know u gals luv when u are with that special sumone. i know i did and still do. u guys are like an aphrodisiac to us, u guys can make us gals hepi in a snap and at the same time u guys are like poison who can drive us up the wall with ur immature ur-such-a-jerk attitude. hahaha. every gal dreams of finding her own hepi ending with her knight in shining armour. but sumtimes honey, ur perfectly created fairytales are not perfect at all. it can be torn apart by an evil bitch [oops, i meant to say Witch hehe] or whatever evil side there is. God when can i have my hepi ending?? *sigh*
ini tiade kene-mengene ngan sesiape jua. hanyelaa one post for ur eyes to read. :)
i so dun have d heart to go back home during dat time. hahaha. she agreed n i suggested on bringing along my cousin nadzmi too coz he knows most of d roads in kL so we probably wont get lost. n kan sng if de laki bile nk overnite. pape jd kan sng hahaha. (alasan j tuu. tp bgs gak cz he sponsored all d toll tickets. hehee) we went to cineleisure, n guess wat? Up was our movie dat nite. *sigh* ami laa nih nak sgt tgk cite nih. haish. i got home after sahur with syera. she put up for a while at my house till 7.30 a.m. before going home. as i was about to fall asleep, feena texted me. "babe kat sa ke? jom lepak"
.jpg)
